Is It Okay to Question Your Therapist?
“Can I tell my therapist I don’t like something?”
“What if I think therapy isn’t working?”
“Is it rude to question my therapist?”
If you’ve ever sat in session wanting to say something, but stopped yourself, you are not alone.
Many people come into therapy carrying patterns of people-pleasing, fear of disappointing others, or believing that the “expert knows best.” So even in a space designed to feel safe, it can feel uncomfortable to speak up.
Here’s what I want you to know:
It is not only okay to question your therapist, it is often a sign that something important is happening.
And in trauma-informed therapy, safety and collaboration matter more than compliance.
Why It’s Actually a Good Sign If You Want to Speak Up
Therapy works best when it is collaborative.
You are not here to impress your therapist.
You are here to understand yourself.
If something feels off, confusing, unhelpful, or triggering, that information matters. It tells us something about your nervous system, your history, your parts, and what you need.
Progress in therapy does not always mean feeling better all the time.
Sometimes progress looks like:
Becoming aware of discomfort.
Noticing when something doesn’t resonate.
Feeling brave enough to question.
Recognizing a pattern of staying quiet.
Awareness is progress.
Safety comes before change.
And trauma work is not linear.
Sometimes your nervous system slows things down on purpose. That isn’t failure, it’s protection.
“I Don’t Like When You Say ‘Coping Skills Toolbox.’”
This is such a real example.
If you told me, “I don’t like when you say coping skills toolbox,” my honest response would be:
I’m so glad you told me.
Not every phrase feels neutral to every person. Words carry history. They can feel minimizing, scripted, clinical, or even invalidating depending on your experiences.
Therapy should feel personalized, not scripted.
If a phrase doesn’t sit well with you, we can explore why. We can find different language. We can adjust.
That feedback helps me help you.
“I Don’t Think This Technique Is Working for Me.”
Thank you.
Truly.
I don’t know what will resonate with every nervous system. No therapist does. EMDR, somatic work, cognitive tools, parts work, they land differently for different people.
Not every nervous system responds the same way to the same tools.
That’s not resistance.
That’s information.
If something doesn’t feel helpful, I need to know. Maybe we adjust the approach. Maybe we slow down. Maybe we explore what isn’t landing. Maybe we try something entirely different.
Therapy is not about forcing a technique.
It’s about finding what supports your system.
“I Feel Like I’m Not Making Progress.”
This one comes up often.
First, I might ask:
Is this something you’re feeling today? This week? Or has it felt constant?
Because therapy often feels more complicated before it feels better.
When we start feeling better, we also become more aware of when we don’t. That contrast can feel discouraging. And sometimes when old patterns flare up again, it can feel like we’re back at the beginning, even when we aren’t.
Progress ≠ feeling better all the time.
Sometimes progress looks like:
Catching a trigger sooner.
Reacting slightly less intensely.
Being aware of your parts instead of being completely blended with them.
Naming hopelessness instead of drowning in it.
And sometimes if it truly feels stuck, we explore:
Do we need to adjust something?
Are we practicing between sessions?
Is a part of you afraid of change?
Does it feel hopeless, like this won’t ever shift?
I never experience that as annoyance.
I experience it as curiosity.
Learn more about if therapy working and what to do if it isn’t →
“I Don’t Really Understand Why We’re Doing This.”
Such a valid question.
Therapy often connects present struggles to earlier experiences, even when it doesn’t seem obvious at first.
It can feel confusing when we look at something that doesn’t appear directly related to your current situation. But our nervous system doesn’t separate experiences neatly. Patterns form across time.
If something doesn’t make sense, I want you to ask.
It’s all connected, but you deserve to understand how.
“I’m Scared to Tell You This, But Something Didn’t Feel Right Last Session.”
If you ever say this to me, my first thought is:
Wow. Thank you for working past your fear to tell me.
You do not get in trouble in therapy.
You do not disappoint me.
You do not make me mad.
If something didn’t feel right, we explore:
What didn’t land?
What did it remind you of?
Was there a tone, word, or moment that triggered something?
Does this connect to earlier times you felt unsafe speaking up?
A good therapist will be curious, not defensive.
And if I said or did something that didn’t land well, we repair that. Repair is powerful. It builds safety in ways that silence never can.
What Your Therapist Is Actually Thinking When You Speak Up
When you say:
“I don’t think this is working.”
Your therapist is likely thinking:
Thank you. This helps me adjust.
When you say:
“I feel stuck.”
Your therapist may be thinking:
Let’s explore what stuck means for you.
When you say:
“I didn’t like that.”
Your therapist is thinking:
That matters. Tell me more.
When you say:
“I’m scared to say this.”
Your therapist is thinking:
This is important.
You are not a burden.
You are not too much.
You are not doing therapy wrong.
Why It Feels So Hard to Speak Up
Many people struggle to question their therapist because of:
Fear of disappointing someone.
People-pleasing tendencies.
Believing the therapist knows best.
Wanting to be liked.
Feeling silly.
Not wanting to seem difficult.
Thinking they “should” be further along.
Bringing up the same issue again and feeling embarrassed.
Here’s something important:
You know yourself, or you are learning to know yourself, better than anyone.
Therapy is not about the therapist being right.
It’s about discovering what works for you.
There is no one correct way to heal.
Therapy Works Best When It’s Collaborative
Your internal dialogue, the thoughts you don’t say out loud, would change everything in therapy if they were shared.
If parts of you are holding back, I’m working in the dark.
When you speak up, you turn the lights on.
You have the right to:
Disagree.
Ask questions.
Not resonate with something.
Want a different approach.
Move slower.
Move deeper.
Try something new.
Say something didn’t feel right.
You are not here to please your therapist.
You are here to heal.
And healing works best when it feels safe.
If you’re looking for trauma-informed therapy in Grand Rapids that welcomes questions, feedback, and collaboration, you can learn more about working together here.
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Yes. Therapy is collaborative…
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Progress is not linear…
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Yes. Safe therapy requires open communication…
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Yes. Feeling stuck can be part of deeper work…